i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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