we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
