whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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