just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
