i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was like getting head from an anaconda
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
this is an emotional support booty call
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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