No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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