I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
