I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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