goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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