I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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