I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
