So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
