Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
