she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
