I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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