people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
