I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
