i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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