I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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