thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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