So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
