im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
