We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
