Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
