i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
