I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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