I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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