when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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