her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
