I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize