is your mom at the bar?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
