My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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