Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
