I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
