That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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