im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just found a bag of teeth...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
