"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
