I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
