I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
