called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
