Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
