I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
