You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
