I feel great
I just peed on a car
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
