Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i believe in u and ur pee
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