we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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