I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
