so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I want to be your penis for a week.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
