When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
