I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
