He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
