I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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